give....and....take

i don't know why the particular story i'm about to tell came to mind recently--it's 30 years or more old--but obviously it did and i want to share it.

MANY years ago when microwaves first came out, they were ginormous! it took a near chef's sized kitchen to be able to house one. crazy! well my dad went out and paid a small fortune for a microwave and brought it home as a surprise gift for my mother. oh, my dad was so excited about this gift! the family was at the breakfast room table for dinner and he's going on and on about how great this addition to the kitchen was going to be, what a help it would be for mother in preparing the meals, etc. well mother was less than pleased with the gift as it was going to take up precious counter space, space she'd waited 20 years to have in their dream house. dad goes on about how they can make it work, find the right spot and all.......and mother is like no, no, no. he's "but babe, at least try it before you decide it against it for sure"......and then all of the sudden my mother gets up from the table, storms out of the room and goes and locks herself in their bathroom!! i was freaking out as that move was so unexpected and dramatic. dad, rick and i continue to eat our dinner, not a word being said. best i can remember about 10 minutes passed and then my dad gets up and starts leaving the breakfast room......i asked him where he was going and what he was about to do and he said he was going to apologize to my mother.
i'm like WHATTTT?? you bought her a fab gift, she freaks out and you're going to apologize to her??? i said if anyone is going to apologize, it should be her to you! he looked at me and said "i love your mother and i hate seeing her upset. i'm going to do whatever it takes to make things right". man, he was special and i think they broke the mold with him. anyway.............

i was 20-ish when this happened, not even thinking about getting married yet and did not realize the sacrifices that spouses should be willing to make for each other. no marriage is perfect, but it can be close as long as both people are willing to work at it and compromise when necessary. we all have faults and have to decide if we can accept them in our partner. larry's really messy but i love him anyway......and i'm such a (deaf) bitch, but he's still around.

no one can tell someone what they can or cannot accept in a partner because each of us is different and wants different things. will you be able to always accept him wanting to be babied when he's sick or him wanting a back rub every night?? only you know. will he be able to always put up with your extreme gas problems and lousy cooking?? only he knows. are you willing to give even when you think it's his time to give?? again, only you know the answer. hopefully there will be time when you both get to be givers and takers, so as to keep the status quo.

the new PEOPLE magazine has a scoop on courtney cox and her husband going to a marriage therapist. she says "we're not lazy about our marriage. we still have the same arguments we've had for years. some things just never change, and you should realize that the intriguing things you fall in love with will probably become the things you don't like". hmmm....food for thought, perhaps???

oh, by the way.....that microwave went back and mother did not get one til one could be mounted over her cook top! she was totally serious about not giving up her counter space!

peace...........karen